Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
