My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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