My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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