Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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