My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We left the knife in your bed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
