The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
operation harelip BJ is a go
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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