he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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