For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
