I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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