i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
