perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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