I cut my penus on the lid.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
