U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
