Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
