is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
