he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
is it fun? or sober?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
