every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
