I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
