i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
