would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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