Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
