I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
