OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
