I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize