I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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