a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
