Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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