the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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