In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
