Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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