There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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