I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
