and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think my moral compass just broke
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