i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize