She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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