im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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