I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
