You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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