god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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