She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
