There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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