I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
