dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Damn victory sex feels great
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
