Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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