just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
