pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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