If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
we're so committed to being not committed
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
