i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
