Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
