All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
