I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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