So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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