the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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