I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
