I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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