im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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