Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
