I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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