how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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