I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
