Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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