so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
