I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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