Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Text me some of your sweat
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
