Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
