Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
and she was petting her beer can
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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