I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
