He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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