I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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