woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
