My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
