but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
