it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
