I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize